Character letter for a custody case

What a custody letter is for

In a custody case the judge is deciding what arrangement suits the children, so a letter about a parent is useful when it shows how that parent cares for them. The most useful letters come from people who see the parent and the children together often: family, neighbors, teachers, coaches and friends.

Write only what you have seen

Describe specific things you have seen the parent do with the children, and say when. Who takes them to school, who cooks and stays for bedtime, who goes to the doctor visits and the parent-teacher conferences: these are facts a judge can weigh.

Leave out what you have only heard about, and don’t guess at things you haven’t seen. If you see the family only now and then, say so and keep to those times.

Don’t criticize the other parent

Keep the letter about the parent you are writing for. Comments about the other parent, even true ones, can make the letter read as taking sides, and the lawyer is the one who decides whether any concern belongs in the case and how to raise it.

If you have seen something that worries you about a child’s safety, tell the lawyer directly rather than putting it in a character letter.

A letter or a sworn declaration

Some family courts want a sworn statement on their own form instead of a letter. In California, for example, a witness can use form MC-030, or end the statement with a declaration under penalty of perjury that it is true.

A sworn statement means you are swearing to every word, so a false statement is far more serious. Ask the lawyer which kind the court needs before you write. If the parent has no lawyer, the court’s self-help center, where there is one, can explain how witness statements are filed.

Protect the children’s privacy

Name the children by their initials, and leave out their birth dates, schools and home address. Court papers can be seen by others, and federal court rules require children to be named by initials in filings for the same reason.

Don’t ask a child to write a letter. Legal aid guidance advises against asking anyone under 18 to write one, and our tool is for writers 18 and over.

Where to send it

Give the letter to the parent’s lawyer rather than mailing it to the judge. Family lawyers warn that letters sent straight to a judge can be returned unread, and the lawyer knows how the court wants them filed.

If you’d like help, our questions for a custody letter ask what you have seen of the person as a parent, and show your answers as a one-page letter.

Questions